|
|
Hope, Confidence and Joy in recovery ... You can do it!
|
SUGGESTIONS FOR ECCLESIASTICAL LEADERS continued
Closely tied to the concept of empathy is that of understanding. Research has indicated that for some the very
experience of feeling understood opens the door to change. As one client reported saying, "you have no idea how
good it felt to be listened to that way." Take the time and be present with those who come in to talk to you.
They look to you as spiritual advisors and want to feel that God has not given up on them. "Act like you've
got only fifteen minutes, it'll take all day; act like you've got all day, it might take fifteen minutes.
Listening for understanding is a lot easier said than done. When we try to jump in and fix things too quickly
by giving advice the doors of empathy and understanding can quickly close. What people mostly desire is to be
listened to and understood. The change that they are seeking can only come from within themselves but usually
the catalyst for that change is to feel understood. The tendency of most of us is to try and fix the problem
by telling people what they should do. People don't want to be told what to do, they want to be listened to.
In most cases they already know what they should do. Paradoxically, when we try to push or pressure someone
into changing something, it has the tendency to create the opposite effect. The founder of the 12 step movement
Bill Wilson stated the following, "We found that addicts would not take pressure in any form. They had to be
led, not pushed."
Warmth and Genuineness means that you can demonstrate the ability to listen without condemning. It also means
that you can create a safe environment for the truth to be discussed and explored and that you're not putting
on an act.
When a person comes in to confess it is important to gather some basic information as to the nature and duration
of the problem behavior in order to best help them. In order to find the balance between Justice and Mercy it
is helpful to get a clear picture as to the truth. The way you are with those who come to confess will play a
big part in to whether they will feel comfortable with a full confession or just a partial confession. If a
leader responds without empathy and love the confession will most likely only be a partial confession.
Using open-ended questions is useful in gathering meaningful information. Some suggestions of what to ask might
be:
- I assume from the fact that you are here, that you have some things you want to talk over. What would you
like to discuss?
- What worries you about your current situation?
- What makes you feel that you need to do something about this situation?
- I'm curious to how all this got started can you tell me more about that?
- How long have you been dealing with these issues and what have you attempted to do about them in the past?
<< previous next >>
DOWNLOAD THE PDF VERSION
|
|
|
|
Weekly Boost - Sign Up
|
Receive regular motivational, ground breaking, positive advice to help you stay sober through the week.
|
|
Daily Boost - Sign Up
| |
Want more help? Receive a Daily tip to help you stay sober through the day.
|
|
